Your Vaguebooking Is Driving Us All Nuts

You guys, why? WHY do we vaguebook? I mean, what do you really think you’ll get out of it? Attention? Help? Advice? A throat punch? For real, I can’t for the life of me understand it. I know I’m not alone here when I say this so CUT THAT SHIT OUT. We get it, life can be hard some times & some times people piss you off (like I bet this post is pissing off those professional vaguebookers), but do you really think the world wants to know if you’re only giving a little teaser? Better yet, WHY do you want the world to know? 

When you post stuff like “Oh my God, I am so done with everything,” follow through! What are you “done” with & why? Who are we talking about? I’m sure there will be people that will gladly shit talk with you if you tell us. I mean, if you are willing to type the cryptic post in the first place, you might as well just give us the whole story. Unless & these are the ones that get me the most, unless you’re one of the vaguebookers that completely ghost afterwards!!! You get a dozen comments of what’s wrong, are you ok, is everything ok, is there anything I can do? And nothing. NOTHING. The original poster has fallen off the face of the planet leaving everyone wondering what the hell is going on.

And even better…like an hour later that post gets deleted & life gets all happy again. Just stop it. If you aren’t going to give us details, why bother posting at all? I’m so nosy so of course I’m like what the fuck, I wanna know what happened while simultaneously rolling my eyes. Chances are people are going to guess the situation incorrectly anyway. 

Then there’s the “I can’t talk about it but I could really use some prayers right about now” or “oh my God, I am shocked. I can’t believe this. I am heartbroken. Please don’t ask me why, I don’t want to talk about it.” Daaa fuck!! Really? I mean, what’s happening?!? Did you just die?! Did you lose an appendage?! Break a nail? WHAT! I roll my eyes so hard at those ones I’m afraid my eyes are gonna get stuck in the back of my head. 

It’s annoying & It pisses people off. Or if you’re like me, you find yourself going back to that status hours later to see if the person ever posted anything else on the subject matter & suddenly you’re thinking to yourself “what the hell am I doing? What is wrong with me? I am so eye rolling my way through this shit, I swear I still don’t care…I’m just nosy.” 

For real though, with all the different forms of social media out there, I feel like there is very little that is left private these days. We know who you’re dating or breaking up with. We know your relatives, your kids. Where you went to school. Where you work. It’s totally ok to leave some things behind closed doors. No, most of us don’t care about the drama with your baby mama/daddy. And unless you’re going to put it all into one post, no we don’t care about your “big news coming soon.” 

Stop being passive aggressive & fishing for sympathy & think before you type. Breath for a minute & ask yourself if this is something you want to post for all of the world to see. Once or twice is ok. We all need to vent some times, but do ya’ll really want the parents of your kids soccer team (assuming you’re Facebook friends with them) to know you’re a hot mess? 

Please, for the love of all things holy, stop the vaguebooking. Let’s just go back to posting pictures of our food. Now if you’ll excuse me, I literally can’t even deal right now. Oh my god…

(see what I did there?!) 😋





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