It feels like the last few weeks of summer I’ve been counting down the days until school started back up. Well, here we are. Summer is over, school starts tomorrow. And damn it, I’m sad! Even though I’m at my wits end with trying to think of fun things to do or places to go every day. Even though I’m beyond over listening to my two girls argue back and forth all day. And even though I’m sick of picking up after them 25 times a day…I’m sad! In between the chaos, I loved having them home all summer (this was our first real summer vacation).
As I’m sitting here typing this, I’m home all by myself for the next 2 hours. My oldest is at cheer practice and my youngest went grocery shopping with her dad. It’s just me & the dog…and Blake Shelton (“Every time I hear that song” just came on). Normally I would be bathing myself in this rare opportunity of being home alone, but no. Instead I’m bumming out about sending Sophia off to first grade tomorrow (how the hell did that even happen?). (P.S. My youngest still has another week). I’m stressing over what to make her for lunch…do I make her a cute little sandwich in the shape of a heart or what about a dinosaur? What kind of cookies should I make her for when she gets home? Or should I do cupcakes? Now that I think about it, it was actually easier having her home everyday. We rolled out of bed whenever. Ate whatever. Froyo for dinner? Sure, why not! It’s summer. ::sigh::
She’s super excited to be going back. She loves school. And I love that she loves school. And that she’s so independent. She isn’t the type to cry when I drop her off…that’ll be me. I’ll be the one sitting in my car long after she’s gone in sobbing like I just finished watching My Girl.
I cried like a baby sending her off to Kindergarten last year because that was MY BABY going off to school for the first time. But this year it’s different. She’s older, wiser. She knows what she’s doing. She doesn’t need me to help her find her way through the school to her classroom. She doesn’t need me to even walk her to the door. She’s getting older. And from here she’ll only keep getting older. And that is hard for a mom. I need my kids. Somehow their bickering, nagging and never ending messes keep me sane (strange). I don’t even remember what I did with myself before them.
So I’m fessing up. To all of you that heard me cracking jokes about wanting to send them off to boarding school all summer long…I was wrong. The truth is, I’m going to miss them like hell. Somehow sending her off to first grade feels a little harder than Kindergarten. But it’s cool, I’m sure after a week of fighting over what outfits they will wear, reminding them to do homework and deciding on lunches to pack, I’ll be glad their back in school.
Life is a crazy journey, I guess.